Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
