In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Pants are for mortals
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
