true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
