i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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