Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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