My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
