Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
