Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
