Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
