my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
