I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
