i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
third nipple confirmed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
