Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
