Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
