That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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