So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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