You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
