Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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