I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
