Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
