the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
