Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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