The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
