Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
