would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I haven't been this sober since birth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
