even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize