good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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