Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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