3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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