My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
