he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
