This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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