he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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