next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
