is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Edward fifth and chaser hands
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
