i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
