So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
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he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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