oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
