Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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