pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
