I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
