yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
