I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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