First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Randomize
