I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
