using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
