'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
