worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
