he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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