Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
