: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
