Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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