New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
