Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think my vagina is haunted
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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