I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
