Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
