somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
