Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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