Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
