my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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