Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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