so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
