you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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