drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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