I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
