he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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