I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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