Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
