It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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