i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
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Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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